pfeerick's suggestion is probably what I would do. It is clear, works on almost any unix-type OS build from the past 30-35 years (though I doubt you'll find pigz easily available for early 90s SCO boxen, heh), and it's good to know what these userland utils do.
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it doesn't get happy
it doesn't get sad
it just runs programs
it doesn't get happy
it doesn't get sad
it just runs programs