Please make the laptop of my dreams! :D

[ryo]

And an inbuilt soft-serve machine.

You might be better off just building your own.

A soft serving machine in a note PC?
That would be both delicious and convenient!
Always free soft cream wherever you go! ლ(´ڡ`ლ)

My first problem is screen size. I don't know why, as technology advances, screens get smaller...
Like smaller is better? I mean, sure, for my back I guess... But what about my eyes?

I actually have a preference to smaller note PCs.
14" max, preferably 11~13".
The point of a note PC is to have a full desktop environment while outdoors.
For powerful stuff (games, video editing etc) I'm having a gaming PC at home.

My second gripe is with touchpads - I've never seen one that works

Really?
I've seen working touch pads on note PCs since they had one.

I am willing to give up on lots of features and pay a huge premium just so I can click things.
You know, like laptops used to be, with 2 button under/over the touchpad.
Not sure when/why it was decided that buttons are bad

Oh, now I get it!
It's a trade off for touch pads to become bigger in size and increase precision.
You can usually right click using either 2 fingers or at the right bottom.
Scrolling is generally with 2 fingers softly.
Admittingly, dedicated buttons worked more stable.

- No added costs and power usage from ridiculous attempts to make laptops powerful
- No dependency on Microsoft, who act like they bought us and not the other way around
- Decent screen because why buy a laptop at all, if viewing it is a terrible experience?

Buy an old note PC, those comply with all 3 points very easily.
Or some office-type note PC generally complies with the first and last points, for the middle point you just install Linux, and just not use anything from Microsoft on it.